Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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