just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I touched a dick in church today
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize