I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
