dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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