I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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