I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
