My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
