It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
