He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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