Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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