All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
