I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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