we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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