I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
