I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
