How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
