Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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