I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
