Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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