dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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