im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
then he tried to convert me to islam
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
