Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
