I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
