____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I cockslap morals
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
