That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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