We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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