He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
