Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
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You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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