I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
