Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize