You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
