if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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