I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
