Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
