Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
