Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
