We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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