she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
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You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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