so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
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He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
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I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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