Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
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They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
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I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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