she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize