i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
