did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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