So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
