how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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