so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
