And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
