If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
