He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
