dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
