Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
