YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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