um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
