I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
