She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
