I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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