My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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