I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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