I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
