You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
