she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
