everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There r osticjed everywhere
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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